Channeling my inner-Hot Chocolate, you sexy thang

Shane and I had a nice chat earlier this week about his experience at Wheaton and whether or not he feels really fulfilled in his job. I definitely give the guy a ton of credit for building a business from the ground up- that sort of entrepreneurial success is a feat that I respect deeply. However, hearing Shane express some feelings of entrapment in his occupation and location instilled made me reflect positively on my choice to go out to Biola. Had I stayed in Wheaton for another couple of years, I have a very hard time seeing myself being able to uproot. This is not due to any overwhelming sentiment for the area, but rather, I'd be too caught up in my comfort zone to ever extricate myself from it.

"The most incredible thing about miracles is that they happen. A few clouds in heaven do come together into the staring shape of one human eye. A tree does stand up in the landscape of a doubtful journey in the exact and elaborate shape of a note or interrogation... In short there is in life an element of elfin coincidence which people reckoning on the prosaic may perpetually miss. As it has been well expressed in the paradox of Poe, wisdom should reckon on the unforeseen"

(The Innocence of Father Brown, G.K. Chesterton)

Ever since I cracked open The Man Who Was Thursday, I've been hooked on G.K. The man's just toys with words tactfully and with utter ease, like a poker pro cradling a chip along the backs of his fingers. And then at times, it's more assertive, like this. So if you haven't gotten the memo from Stacey King, G.K. goes hard in the mother-fucking paint. The quote above is an example of Chesterton's elegance and profundity, as he states his beliefs on the existence and nature of miracles. 

I would probably say that I believe in the existence of miracles, but that depends on how were defining a miracle. I haven't seen any partings of massive bodies of water or people risen from the dead lately, so I don't consider miracles as phenomenal. Instead, as the quote would also seem to suggest, I would define miracles as something improbable that happens, due to some supernatural cause.  I can jive with that description.

My view of myself and human nature is what gives me the confidence to make this claim. At this point in my life, I can't claim to have a sound theological construct, but what I do hold to be completely true is that I am a completely depraved individual. This isn't mere self-deprecation; I feel that the entire human race is incapable of being "good".  At the core of every person lies greed, hate, and desire to satiate our primal urges. I've needed no more empirical evidence then the 21 years of my own life to come to that conclusion, and I feel like this perspective is me just being honest with myself.

Now this would be depressing as hell if this was the extent of my perspective of humanity. However, I've experienced so much undeserved love and compassion in my life that I can't claim the world is devoid of "good".  When i couple this good in the world with my belief of the pervasive nature of depravity throughout mankind, I come to this conclusion: there is something beyond my realm of perception that utilizes my self as a medium through which "good" actions are achieved. In other words, I believe there is some supernatural entity that accounts for the "good" in this world, and as a result, I am not directly responsible for whatever actions that have contributed to that collective "good". I cannot claim any sort of moral uprightness in the same way that a person cannot claim their credit card to be of any tangible monetary value.

This line of reasoning first became apparent to me after the untimely passing of a close friend. I've been fortunate enough in my life to have dealt very view times with significant tragedies and hardships, and my reaction to this indelible event was eye-opening to say the least. While I would like to think I experienced moments of pure, unadulterated grief, I feel that, in reality, it was mere self-pity. If there were ever sincere, altruistic emotions, they degenerated so quickly into selfishness as to be negligible. I found my default reaction as utilizing tragedy to illicit empathy from others, and then eventually to appear to have more mettle then my peers, to seem like a more seasoned soul.

As with the aforementioned theory, my introspection is only half the story. While I felt much guilt over this selfishness, I also was the recipient of a cascade of love and compassion at a time when I felt unprecedented need for it. I saw a depth to my closest friends that completely transformed our relationships; a bond was forged between us that has carried us through thick and thin. It was such a humbling and powerful feeling that I feel incredibly cheap even trying to verbalize it. And even more overwhelming to me was the fact that, according to friends and family, I was of this same support to them. 

How is it that, when I was completely fixated on how this devastating situation impacted me, and on how I might best use it to my advantage, that I could be of such comfort to those around me? And as I've said above, it is obviously through no labor of my own. But this is where the situation ceases to be obvious. I have no functional understanding of what it is that is responsible for this immensity of emotion, of the nature of this entity, but I find the pursuit of attaining one as the focus of my existence. 

This uncertainty gave me pause when seeing Chesterton's delegation of these coincidences being "elfin". That claim almost strikes me as arrogant; it seems to me that my perspective relative to the universe in so infinitesimal that I couldn't hope to ever really understand the phenomenon of supernatural intervention in that intimate a way. On the other hand, I hope like hell it's true. If these workings have a sense of humor to them, it would be a distinct personification in which I could relate and come to a relatively clearer understanding of the the being from which these workings stem. It may seem like little more than wishful thinking, but is that any more foolish than dwelling on the "prosaic"? I am turned on my head so often in this world, that it seems a better investment to follow sentiment over rationale.

Sanctuary by Intution. 

The L.A.-based Intuition just released a new mixtape entitled I Ruined these Songs for You Too, a follow-up to I Ruined These Songs for You, and it's definitely worth checking out. He has quickly become on of my favorite hip-hop artist because he is so down to earth. I hate saying down to earth, because in hip-hop that's pretty much synonymous with white. I'm not even sure he is white, though; if he is, he sure gets his GTL on, yadameen?. Anyway, the man doesn't deal with anything super fancy or original; he just works with basic emotions that anyone can vibe with. I mean, seriously, how many songs about a battered significant other are there? But this song is so fresh, so clean, so give it a listen.

download here

check out his new tape here